


No Regrets

by Schizzar



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU, M/M, Non-Graphic Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-23
Updated: 2010-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:15:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schizzar/pseuds/Schizzar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war against Aizen, Ichigo learns a shocking secret from Chad. A story of coping. Nondescriptive lemon. Read at your own risk. ^^</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> The first story of many to be posted here on this site! :D I hope you all enjoy!

 

A lot of good things had happened. They had won the war against Aizen, and while they had had their losses, peace had finally come, a peace Ichigo hadn't felt in a long time. Years. How long had it been? How long had he been fighting and worrying every day of whether or not he would survive to see the next one? He was 20 now, officially three days ago. He had had exactly 4 months of peace before the next big bombshell was dropped, two days after he turned twenty.

Chad was dying. His best friend, the man who had been prepared to drop everything he knew just to save Ichigo and fight along side him, was dying. Slowly. From cancer.

When he had been given the news, Ichigo had spent a whole day in his room lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and just thinking about his friendship with the big man. He went through every memory in his head, savoring it. Soul Society had returned to its old ways and had pretty much locked their allies down in the real world out, so they could even ask Squad 4 to try and save the man who had fought alongside the other Shinigami and helped win the war. He wasn't sure that they would even agree if they did ask.  
Chad had also told him something else, when he had broken the news. The hospital treatments weren't doing anything for him.

They had tried, and given up, because for one, Chad couldn't pay for it, and for another, it wasn't working. The big man had said he suspected it had to do with how he was made up. The same genes that gave him the ability to fight Hollows and defeat Espadas were the same genes that were making it impossible for him to survive the assault on his body.

Sighing, Ichigo looked at the door into Chad's apartment, half wanting to knock on it, half wanting to walk away right then and there. The former urge won out and he knocked once. The door opened slowly and Chad stepped back to let him into the darkened apartment, the only light coming from a lamp in the corner next to a brown couch. The shadows that the light cast made it feel all the darker as Ichigo silently made his way to the couch and sat down, propping his feet up on the wooden table. Moments later, Chad joined him, just as silent.

Back before he had gotten his powers, they had done this. They would sit together silently, sometimes listening to music, but really just enjoying the presence of another human being that wouldn't judge them. But that silence had been peaceful; this silence was tense, almost painful.

"Ichigo...I don't think we should see each other anymore. I think...you should never come here again," Chad finally said, his voice quiet and barely audible.

Ichigo gave a nervous laugh, looking over at his best friend. "What are you talking about Chad?"

"I'm going to die. There is nothing we can do about it," Chad continued. "If we become any closer, it will be harder for you once I die. I don't want you to have to be in any more pain then you must be."  
"

Chad, don't be stupid," Ichigo sighed, rolling his eyes as if it were all just one big joke. "I'm your friend, and I want to spend time with you." He wanted to say something else but then bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if it was really considerate to say given the situation. Chad seemed to notice this though, and looked at Ichigo expectantly, waiting for him to continue. "If you're going to die...shouldn't you enjoy the time you have?"

"Not if it will cause my friends more pain," Chad said.

"Please, don't do this. I couldn't stand never seeing you again," Ichigo mumbled, looking down at his hands which were clasped tightly in his lap. "You're my best friend. You always have been. You've done so much for me and I can't just let you go through this alone. That would be unfair."

"I think we are both learning that life isn't fair."

Ichigo didn't have anyway to reply to that, so instead he remained silent. After a time, he stood up and walked for the door, pausing once he reached it. "Chad, I'm going to come back tomorrow. Please answer the door. Okay?"

There was no reply, but Ichigo knew that he would.

 

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

 

The next week and a half, things returned to as close to normal as they could get. Ichigo visited Chad everyday, and they will sit and watch television and talk, or sometimes they would just sit in silence, one or both reading or listening to music. Orihime had stopped by one day with one of her god-awful meals but Chad, being the nice gentleman that he was, ate some of it, which pleased the orange haired woman greatly. Ichigo just hoped this didn't mean she would bring more.

But today was the first day he had managed to get Chad out of the house, pulling the reluctant man out the door and down the stairs to the sidewalk outside. It was a good day for a walk, seeing as how the sun was bright and there was just enough of a breeze to keep it from getting too hot. The walk was mostly silent, but that wasn't new so it didn't bother Ichigo much at all. He was content to spend time with his friend, and he knew, deep down, Chad enjoyed the time too. Eventually, they found themselves walking along the same river where Ichigo's mother had died, and the strawberry blond found himself slowing down without even noticing it. Chad knew the story about her death, they were best friends after all, so he didn't comment when Ichigo stopped completely, gazing down into the water.

"Hey. Sado-kun." His real name. Now he knew whatever Ichigo said next was completely serious. "I never had the choice, you know? To have...experiences with her. I missed out on those things, not even because I didn't care, but because I had no choice. I have a choice now. I don't want to worry about things I could've had. Not anymore. I already have to spend the rest of my life missing times with my mom. I don't want to wonder about any time I missed with you...okay?"

Ichigo stood up then, turning around to look him straight in the eyes.

"It isn't that easy," Chad muttered. "Ichigo, you don't understand-"

"What don't I understand? Tell me!"

"I can't."

"For fuck's sake Chad!" Ichigo shouted, angry and unable to control himself. "You're dying! So what? Stupid fucking moping about it and do something! Live life! Do what you've always wanted to do! Dammit Chad. You don't have to be the strong one all the time and you aren't weak if you lean on me for support..."

Ichigo stopped, unsure of what else to say. Chad moved forward slowly, stopping a mere inch from the smaller man and putting both hands on his shoulders.

"You want me to do what I've always wanted to do? Fine."

Frozen, Ichigo let Chad slide one hand up to cup his cheek, tilting his face up slowly before bringing their lips together. Surprise flooded through him as he realized that Chad...loved him. That's what he didn't understand, before. He loved him so much, he didn't want him hurt by his own death.

"Oh." It was all he could say in reply as their lips broke apart.

"Yeah," Chad murmured. "I'm sorry."

Ichigo didn't pull away from Chad, licking his lips as he thought of what he could say in response. "You have no reason to be sorry. I didn't mind it. I also wouldn't mind it...if you did it again."

Their eyes met and Ichigo smiled weakly, finding that it was quite true. He had never really liked anyone, but Chad...was his best friend and if he was going to have a relationship with him...that was okay too. No regrets.

"Don't do this out of pity," Chad said lowly.

Tentatively, Ichigo wrapped his arms around Chad's neck, pulling him down so he could press their lips together once more. It was answer enough for Chad and he didn't hesitate to deepen the kiss, tasting Ichigo thoroughly. His dreams, his secret fantasies, none of them could hold a candle to the real thing, and he groaned softly as Ichigo sucked on his tongue.  
When they finally pulled back, Ichigo was flushed and panting, a look Chad decided he liked quite a bit and wouldn't mind seeing more of in the future.

"Ichigo...I...I love you."

Ichigo smiled up at him. "Don't you feel better? No more regrets Chad. None."

As they headed back, hands laced together, Chad couldn't help but think of how Ichigo didn't say it back.

 

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

 

The next day, Ichigo dragged Chad to the video store to rent as many movies as the big man wanted, declaring that as part of the new no regrets policy they would watch every movie that looked even mildly interesting. Strangely, Chad realized he was quite alright with this, especially if it meant he could spend more time with Ichigo. They made it through two movies before growing bored and taking a break for lunch.

Ichigo took him out, almost like it was a real date, almost as if he loved Chad back, almost as if they were a real couple. It was a nice enough restaurant, not expensive, but the food was nice, and afterwards, Ichigo led him to an ice cream stand on their way back. As they walked back, both silent as they devoured their ice cream, their hands brushed together. Chad moved away, feeling weird. He didn't want Ichigo to feel like he had to do anything out of pity, and even if Ichigo said he wasn't, part of him just couldn't believe it.

Those doubts were dashed as Ichigo slipped his hand into his, twining their hands together and then offering him a smile when he turned to look at him.

So maybe Ichigo didn't love him yet. He certainly cared.

When they got back to his apartment, Ichigo dragged him over to the couch, babbling about what movie they should watch next now that their limbs were no longer at the risk of falling asleep. After putting in the next movie he plopped down next to Chad, propping his feet up on the table looking over at him.

"So how's the day so far? Enjoying it?"

"Why did you grab my hand, Ichigo?"

Ichigo looked puzzled and then scratched his chin, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't know. It felt right at the time. I don't think I love you Chad, but I do care about you a lot, and I did like kissing you." He looked back at Chad, brown eyes sincere and showing that he meant every word he was saying; not that he would ever suspect that Ichigo would lie to him, not about this.

"But are we in a relationship Ichigo?"

"Do you want to be?" Ichigo shifted, bringing his feet off the table and turning his body towards his friend. "I'm okay with that. I'm okay with trying it if you want to. No regrets, right?"

"I would regret this if it ruined our friendship," Chad said honestly.

"So let's make sure it doesn't," Ichigo said, flashing him a warm smile and kissing him gently on the cheek. "Okay?"  
Chad returned the smile, the barest upturn of his lips, but a smile nonetheless. They both turned their attention back to the movie, only this time Ichigo grabbed his hand once more, squeezing it lightly. As the movie progressed, Ichigo moved closer, resting his head on Chad's chest and at about half way through, falling asleep.

He must be tired, running around with me so much, Chad mused, looking down at his best friend turned boyfriend. If I had known I was wearing him out so much I would protest more. The dvd player came to a stop and silenced as the movie ended and Chad sat still, unsure of what to do seeing as how he didn't want to wake Ichigo up. So instead, he just waited, shifting his arm into a more comfortable position around his shoulders, nestling the soul reaper into his chest.

Despite Ichigo's constant pressure to do everything and not regret it, Chad couldn't help but feel bad about what they were doing, about the feelings he was letting grow between the two of them. Ichigo would've been sad when he died, but now, now he would be in even worse shape and it would be all his fault because he wanted so badly to believe that maybe they could be together and live happily ever. Chad was not an idealist by nature but for once, just once, he wanted things to work out like they did in those movies and fantasy stories. Just once.

"Mmm...oh shit I fell asleep!" Ichigo jolted up out of his arms, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "I'm sorry. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I thought you needed it," Chad said with a shrug.

Ichigo shook his head once. "This is about us spending time together and I ruined it. I'm sorry."

"You didn't ruin anything," Chad told him. "Don't be so concerned about making everything perfect. You will only make things more difficult to enjoy."

The soul reaper was quiet for a moment as he bit his lip. "You're right. I should be more relaxed if we're gonna enjoy our time together."

Chad gave him a tiny smile of encouragement, which was interrupted when Ichigo leaned forward and kissed him softly, once before pulling away.

"Sorry I just had the urge," he muttered.

"Stop apologizing for stupid things."

Ichigo snickered and then grew serious again, staring into Chad's eyes as if he were contemplating the meaning of life right then and there. There lips met again, eyes still open, but sliding closed as he pulled back for a quick breath of air and kissed him again, small quick kisses, each one a little bit deeper as he shifted his body, moving closer until he had sidled onto his lap. Chad slid his hands up around Ichigo's waist, one sliding up under the thin material of his black t-shirt and over the smooth planes of his back, liking the way Ichigo gasped into his mouth as a reaction.

He still couldn't get over how good the man tasted. He was perfect, he felt perfect, everything was just perfect. Ichigo's hands were tangled in his hair, tugging lightly as he tasted Chad before relinquishing control and letting the other man explore. The kiss continued for a while, quick breaths snuck in though never long enough for them to really notice, both too concerned with memorizing the taste of one another, urged on by the fact that if they didn't get their fill, they never would.

"God..." Ichigo whispered, pulling back a little bit more and resting his forehead against Chad's and staring into his eyes. "You know I've never liked anyone before. I've never been attracted to anyone."

Chad shifted his grip on Ichigo, pulling him down a little bit to take the strain off the soul reaper's legs. "Rukia?"

Ichigo's face twisted up in a comical look of sourness. "No way. She's too much like a sister."

"But you are attracted to me?"

"Was the kiss not enough?" Ichigo's left eyebrow crooked up.

"No. I think you should try again."

"Who knew you had a playful side?" Ichigo mused.

Chad wasn't able to reply because the next moment, their lips were pressed together.

 

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

 

Thunder rumbled off in the distance as Ichigo walked towards Chad's house, head down as he thought. His dad had talked to him before he left, saying that he didn't like how Ichigo was spending so much time with the larger man, saying it would only hurt worse. Everyone was saying that. What was so wrong with enjoying time that they had? What was so wrong about wanting to have memories to always look back on and smile at? His dad just didn't understand.

"Just because you didn't have the chance to cherish remaining time with the one you loved doesn't mean I can't!"

"Son, what are you saying?"

"I love him, Dad! At least...I think I do."

"Ichigo you have to stop this. Stop seeing him. He's going to die in the end and there's nothing you can to do stop it. You're only setting yourself up for more pain!"

"Don't you wish you could have spent more time with Mom? Well? Don't you? I'm not going to waste any of that time. I'm going to make sure that his last months are the best months he's ever had!"

Another boom of thunder and then the skies opened up, rain pouring down on him in a rush, soaking him to the bone in seconds. A feeling of helplessness washed over him with the rain and he stopped where he was, head hanging as he stared down at the wet pavement. What was he doing? He was just going to torture himself, falling in love with Chad like this. Everyone was right...but he also knew he would regret passing up his chance to be with him the way he wanted to, and the way Chad needed to be with him. Somehow, he dragged his feet to start walking again, hands shoved down into his pockets, and before too long he reached Chad's apartment, shivering and still lost in thought.

Wordlessly, Chad grabbed his arm, tugging his hand out of the pocket and pulling him inside. Large hands removed his shirt as he was forced down onto a couch, and then the footsteps moved down the hallway, returning only a moment later, and then he was being handed a towel. Mechanically, Ichigo dried himself off, slipping out of his pants and boxers and into the sweatpants Chad offered him instead.

"What happened?"

In the five minutes he had been there, neither had spoken, but now that Ichigo was no longer in danger of getting sick, Chad wanted answers.

"My dad was just...being an asshole."

Chad sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and tugging him into his chest. "What did he say?"

"What you said before. That I'll only hurt myself more by being with you," Ichigo mumbled, taking comfort in the steady sound of

Chad's heartbeat in his ear. "He's right too. You were right. I'm going to hurt a lot when you're gone Chad because I love you."

Chad's breath halted for a moment and he tensed beneath Ichigo, but it was a reaction Ichigo had been expecting. "Ichigo. Do...you mean that?"

"Yeah. I do." His throat was tight. He felt like he was going to cry. But he didn't. "But I don't care if I'll be hurt. I want to stay with you Sado."

Silence reigned then as Chad thought, and as Ichigo tried to get a grip on what he was feeling.

"I always wanted this to happen. But now I don't know if I can enjoy it because we don't have enough time."

Ichigo pushed himself away so that he could look the dark man in the eyes, the familiar determination Chad was so used to seeing practically radiating from his brown eyes. "People say not to rush. I don't care what other people say. If you want to Chad, we can do everything. I mean that."

Chad slid a hand up to cradle Ichigo's face, rubbing his cheek tenderly. "I don't want it to be meaningless."

Ichigo turned his head, pressing his lips into the palm of his hand as he laced his fingers through the hand sitting on Chad's lap. "Nothing between us will ever be meaningless Chad. Nothing."

They leaned in at the same time, lips pressing together tightly with a slow passion simmering beneath it as they tried to contain themselves. Ichigo lost track of time as they kissed, tasting one another, hands roaming over one another's bodies as they tried to memorize every feel and every touch, as if they only had this one chance. At some point, Chad stood up and Ichigo wrapped himself around the bigger man, lips moving to his ear and sucking on the lobe as he moved them down the hallway. He barely registered being pressed down into the mattress, focused only on the feel of Chad's hands on his body, whimpering softly against him.

The moment they finally came together was one he would never forget. It was in that moment that he felt whole, as if he had been missing a piece of himself his whole life and had only realized it once it was filled. And when it was all done and over with, for some reason he could not stop crying. The tears ran hot and wet, silent down his face and Chad held him close without asking any questions, as if he understood. He probably did. No, not probably. Ichigo knew that he did.

As he came back to himself, he realized Chad had been whispering in his ear the entire time he had been crying. It was the same three words, over and over again. He fell asleep with those same words on his lips, whispered into the man's ears.

 

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

 

Over the next two months, Chad steadily grew worse. It was as if that night had signaled the beginning of the end and they both knew it. Everyday, Ichigo would leave the house around 9 with a frown from his dad and return around 11, or not return at all in some cases, unable to leave, or just plain not wanting to. He knew how much joy it brought Chad to wake up and see Ichigo curled into his embrace.

They talked a lot more now too. It kind of felt like they had both realized how little time they had and were trying to get out everything they had ever wanted or needed to say to one another as fast as they could. There were some days that Chad needed help walking out into the living room, and other days when he couldn't even stand. It killed Ichigo inside to watch his best friend and lover slowly die like this. Though he never said it out loud, he sometimes wished the man's suffering would just end.

"Hey Ichigo?"

"Hm?"

The pair were lying down on Chad's bed, Ichigo's head resting comfortably on the bigger man's chest as he traced small shapes up and down his stomach. It was much too thin for someone of Chad's size but he didn't say anything about it, instead shifting closer and nuzzling the man's neck.

"I...I don't regret this," Chad murmured. "I am glad you pushed me to admit that I loved you. I'm glad you pushed me to do things I otherwise wouldn't do. I am glad that you are my friend and my lover."

Ichigo moved so he could look up at him, biting his lip. "Sado, I don't regret this either. I never will. The times we have spent together will always be the ones I look back on with a smile. I love you."

Chad stared down at him, kissed him gently once. "I love you too. I love you so much Ichigo Kurosaki."

"What brought this on?" Ichigo asked quietly, stomach clenching tightly.

A warm smile put his fears at ease. "Nothing. I just want you to know how much I love you."

Ichigo shifted back down, resting his ear over Chad's beating heart for one last moment as Chad reached over and turned off the lamp light, bathing them in darkness. For some reason, he moved up again and kissed Chad once more, a longer kiss, gentle and smooth, making sure to convey all the overwhelming love he had come to feel for the man. He tried to ignore the tears he tasted on his lips.

The next morning, he woke up to silence. His head still rested on Chad's chest, but all was silent. The arm wrapped around him was limp, the sound of breathing gone, the steady beat...gone. All of it was gone. Swallowing thickly, Ichigo pushed himself up, grasping Chad's cold hand in his own, squeezing it tightly, as if it would bring the man back to life.

"Oh Sado I love you. I always will."

And for the last time, Ichigo pressed their lips together, tears splashing down on to the dark cheeks. He did not regret loving this man. It was the best decision he had ever made in his life.


End file.
